im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
