i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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