Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
