i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
