Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
