I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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