I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
