Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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