i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
