fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
