I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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