So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Farmville is her only friend.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
