woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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