Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
