20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
