Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
