I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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