piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
