a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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