so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fuck appropriateness.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
