I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
