you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
