Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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