we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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