I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
