...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
