i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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