your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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