He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want a musical about memes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
