I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
