I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
