3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
