I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
