Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
