I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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