I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
