ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
