The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
