You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
