We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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