did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
