Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
