Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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