dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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