in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
