Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
