i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
