i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
