i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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