My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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