I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
