i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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