Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
